[13 Dec 2007|07:20pm] i was going to post something here that was rather important, but my head is all over the place right now, i don't even remember what i was going to say. but, insomnia -- will make someone go crazy.  i've been getting nothing more than 3-4 hours of sleep everynight and working close to 12 hours a day.  it finally caught up with me, after going out for well, a few more drinks than i should've.  didn't get home until 5:30am .. had to be at work at 11am.. well, i was smart enough to set about 5 alarms to get me up before i passed out.  i woke up, got dressed and went to work.  i was still drunk until 4pm, it was .. well, not too bad.  until the hang over set in, wow .. did that suck.  ontop of it, the lack of sleep hit me at the same time.  i felt stupid as fuck, i couldn't do any extensive thinking, it made me confused and i felt again, stupid as fuck. i started thinking about things in a completely different manner than i would normally, i didn't like it.  i wound up letting the other delivery drivers take all the deliveries and spent from 6:30-9:00 in the basement cleaning up all the boxes from the huge delivery of good we received earlier that day.  honestly, i wish i could've left early.  i wound up being there until 10:20pm.  i counted the money out that i had to pay back at the end of the night, which was only $270, which should've been close to $400-$500, i counted about 4 times and each time i was off, i was like wtf? i can't even count?  it was starting to bother me, alot.  fuck not getting enough sleep. during the next well, believe it's 15 months of probation .. i want to completely change the person i am.  i have alot of things i would like to change, i'm just so tied up with 'going with the flow' that it's too hard for me to do so, today was the start .. after sleeping for a full day. i'm in for a surprise of my own, i really want to change, i just need to find some motivation.  motivation, come find me.  i'm blind and deaf, make it easy on my poor soul. love you always, christopher w. brown mwah. post comment

if i won a million dollars... [08 Nov 2007|09:21am] I wouldn't buy a house. But, what I do is.. I would try to multiply that million dollars by atleast ten, wouldn't everyone? Plant my own 'Christmas' trees, my own tobacco, my own marijuana, my own food! Go back to the simpler life, where it is actually enjoyable.  No hassle, no hustle. Hunt and fish for my own food. I would also buy a business and try my best to make my own million dollars. I would love to move outside the USA. Though, it's called the land of opportunity by many, I agree somewhat, but it also has it's downfalls. post comment

rant [08 Nov 2007|08:52am] [ music | sound of silence, urban streets of early morning long island ] I read a lot of different things on the internet, many different things.  I seem to gain a great deal of interest on articles written by other intellectuals.  I get to understand things from their point of view, I get to make my own opinions on the subject matter itself.  Recently, I've been reading about debt, mainly because I, myself have about Eleven (11) thousand dollars of it myself.  I don't have really anything to show for it, yeah .. I have cool things scatters amongst my room.  But let's say I needed money for something? Buy a house, a new car, surgery, who knows?  Can I really cash these materialistic things in for money? More often than not, no, atleast not even half of what I had paid for the over-priced "must have" items.  Yeah, that $10 piece of colored paper on my wall of Aqua Teen Hunger Force? Yeah, it's fucking awesome.. yeah, it brings memories of 12 O'Clock showing on release night... but can I sell that to get my $10 back? Even $5? Like I said, probably not.  I need to stop myself from being brainwashed by American Marketing scemes.   I should stop watching Television all together.  I don't watch much of it as it is.  So back to reading articles, I read one today (yes, I haven't slept yet, as usual) about the decline in the America Economy.  I agree 100%, I know it's going to shit.  What can I do about it?  Nothing!  We as a nation have to stand up and do something about it.  But, we can't.  I don't want to sound like any other hypocrate out there, but the government is holding us back. 'We the people' right? Are susposed to be regulating the government, right?  Boston Tea party, remember that guys?  We didn't like being taxed on tea, eh?  Now we're being taxed on anything we do!!!  Paying sales tax on things we purchase using the money we work hard to earn, which is also taxed. Why? Because we, as a country don't know any better.   We all don't want to pay it, but we're forced to, daily.  It does take money to govern a country, but it doesn't take as much as we're paying, that's for sure.  I also know that social security is not going to be around when I'm older, when I am going to need it. I'm at the ripe age of twenty one, and I am glad I am recognizing this now.  I'm glad my parents aren't rich or well-off.  I wouldn't have stopped to think about this, or do things on my own when I could've paid someone else to do it for me..  I'm glad I know how to do things that others don't.  I starting to understand what things I truly value in life more now then ever.  A few years back, we had about a full-day black out here in New York.  I truly didn't know what to do with myself... I relied on a few hours of playing gameboy which I hadn't used in a few years.  After I got bored with that, I wound up going to sleep.. waking up to having power the next morning, being relieved.  I really wish that we'd have atleast one day a month like that, to catch up on what 'life' really is.  I know that when I get older, I can take care of myself and my family if all hell breaks loose and I'd have to harvest my own food, hunt for it or fish for it.  I could provide my family with shelter.  I'm very glad I can say I would be able to do that, not many other americans can say that.  We should all know how to survive with out Starbucks, McDonalds, Walmart, etc. </endrant> Inspiration provided by the following: http://adbusters.org (specifically - http://adbusters.org/the_magazine/74/The_Empire_of_Debt.html ) Buy nothing day (November 23rd - http://adbusters.org/metas/eco/bnd/ ) Buy nothing Christmas ( http://adbusters.org/metas/eco/bnd/bnxmas/ ) post comment

[18 Oct 2007|07:46pm] i'm not dead, but feeling close to it.. i think i may have bronchitis, i'm trying to stop smoking as well, it seems smoking makes it worse.  i'm also throwing up ideas of joining the military again.  i'm not happy with what's been going on lately, i don't like sleeping until 10:30-11am and even later when i don't have work.  i'm started to put weight back on, which i'm also extremely unhappy about.  i also haven't been productive as an individual either, nothing that i've wanted to do has actually been done.  i hope, over the next month or so, everything gets worked out.  i've been taking my medicine for my thyroid again and well, let's hope it puts me on the track to "greatness". i'm on probation for the next 18 months, along with 100 hours of community service..hopefully i'll be off in 9 months. post comment

i almost killed myself tonight... [18 Sep 2007|03:29am] Historic: almost didn't have to worry about court.. heh Historic: so .. i was going down this road about 90 ... single dotted lines appear Historic: i decide i'm going to pass 2 cars Historic: i do, there's still another 2 ahead .. i'm still accerating Historic: i pass the first, i'm getting close to passing the second Historic: that car hits the brakes(to allow me to pass easier) .. it's a sharp right turn Historic: i'm on the wrong side of the road .. so i have to make a sharper right turn than usual... like majorly sharp.. Historic: as soon as i turn my wheel to the right .. i do a 360 to the right Historic: ...then i try to gain control of the car by cutting the wheel left Historic: another 360... Historic: the other way Historic: then i cut it again to the right... (now noticing i'm still on the accelerator) Historic: apply the break .. do a 180 the OTHER way Historic: and then my car stalls out while i'm going in reverse on the other side of the road Historic: i finally stop, throw it in park (since it stalled out) Historic: start it up, throw it in drive and get behind the last guy i passed Historic: ...the whole road was smoked out Historic: but, luckily no cars were coming the other way Historic: and i didn't end up hitting a tree Historic: i kept the car on the road Historic: yeah, i say half good driving half traction control Historic: and total stupidity =======from someone who knows what turn i'm talking about======= Historic (2:34:46 AM): you can go check out the skid marks Historic (2:34:51 AM): you know on rocky point rd Historic (2:34:57 AM): all the way down by the schools Historic (2:35:21 AM): how it's a sharp right, then it's kinda a turn towards the left then straight away to the schools Historic (2:35:32 AM): that's the "sharp right" above.. anonymous (2:35:49 AM): how did you not hit a tree Historic (2:37:40 AM): exactly Historic (2:37:51 AM): i was worried about that the whole time.. Historic (2:38:09 AM): i saw no headlights when making the turn so i was kinda relieved about that post comment

[02 Aug 2007|12:55am] well, so .. i've been busy for a while lj, SUE ME. i've been working my ass off at both my jobs for some time now, i've actually taken a week off a the county, fuck their $8/hr taxed for working like a mexican for 8 hours. i've been getting into some trouble again, sadly enough . . . shame on me :| i do know better, but ... i feel like i can go on forever..but it will come to a stop.  i've also recently discovered that i don't want to be a bum for the rest of my life and have been making silly self improvements and realized that without college, i'm fucked. well, not exactly but i'll be able to open more doors in life with a degree, i also love to learn .. things that keep me interested though, not boring shit... ha. also, soon .. moving into my own place.. will be sweet.  HUGE, and i mean HUGE basement apartment. i really can't wait. :] post comment

[30 May 2007|09:02pm] conquering the necessary evils, daily. i'm doing good, i'm setting my life up for the best, after all i deserve it :) post comment

more busy! [23 May 2007|09:21pm] today i worked from: 5am-5pm tomorrow i will be working: 5am-3pm, 4pm-10:30pm yay for work! i got all my financial situations settled, other than the car or lacking of...but that should be resolved by this weekend hopefully. i've been in a better mood lately, about life and everything else since the whole .. well, issue and i guess i have learned a valuable lesson in life.. hopefully all goes well, and in every direction. since i've been working, listening to alot more music of different genre's (radio) and well, i keep hearing songs that make me think of you, well .. not only that, but just about any song i can somehow relate it to you.  i still love you. i should design a new layout for this journal when i get a chance, which i doubt i will for a while.  it's been done before, easily ... but i'm entirely too busy right now with everything else .. so please bear with me readers. (haha, yeah .. like anyone reads this). post comment

busy busy busy [22 May 2007|08:30pm] i've been very busy since i've been home, don't think i've actually got time to really relax except for a little while on the computer each night before i go to sleep.  i've got alot to update everyone on. back in march, when i came home for spring break to deliver pizza and make some money for rent, i laid the brick for the patio on the side of the house for my parents.  i just came home last week to see that they laid a nice path to the pool and put plants on each side and made it all .. sexy looking. (pictures to come) they also ordered vinyl fence for the sides of the house. (that very expensive looking white fence you see on houses), yeah .. well, i dug about 7 post holes into the ground 36 inches (with tons of roots in the way). the fence is now up and the gates are fully functional.  i'll take pictures of that soon as well. i got into a car accident in florida and i drove my car back up here, and i'm buying a new .. well, not new but another car this weekend. i've got a job for the summer with suffolk county (if all goes well, hopefully my permanent position back), i start driving for alfredo's pizza starting thursday, friday and saturday.  i'm hoping to acquire more nights, but that's all they had at the time.  the family loves me, so i might even have a job at middle island delivering a few nights again. i have to stop by the church in rocky point and talk to someone about volunteering at the thrift shop, i heard they were threatening to shut it down if they couldn't find any male volunteers.  i'm more than willing to help.  especially when they are looking at a minimum of just an hour, but i will be volunteering probably the whole time they are open on saturdays, which is 9am to 2pm.  so, you'll probably see me there if you decide to stop by on a saturday. well, i think that's it for now ... nothing else really popped into my head while writing this, and i kinda have a headache.  i have to make lunch for tomorrow and i have to be at work at 5am (yay!! .. not). goodnight kiddies :] post comment

[20 May 2007|03:26am] i've come accross a few good quotes as of recently and felt the need to post them here.  i was watching greys anatomy for the first time, it happened to be with terence, his gf and his mom.  this quote really stood out in my head "a good chief learns from his mistakes, i'm still working on that. but you, if you had a chance to do it all over again, you would do it differently. go ahead, do it all over again, be the best man."  that quote really hit me hard, after everything that has happened in the past few months. i've also come accross this as well, which i feel is amazing. "We can all be free Maybe not with words Maybe not with a look But with your mind" tomorrow, i have to be up early to dig a few holes for a fence to be put in on the side of my house.  one of those fancy white vinyl fences, we're pimpin' our house out :] post comment

[31 Mar 2007|06:13pm] [ music | paramore - brighter [shuffle] ] yo what up livejournal! it's been a long time, lots have changed.  i'm sorry i deleted you.  we'll be best friends again, don't worry. anyway, let's play catch up for everyone who hasn't been in touch with me.  i've been a little weird lately, i've been pretty careless with my 'career' and life in general.  for all that don't know, i now reside in gainesville, florida.  i'm now attending college, still a community college, but none-the-less college.  i've broken up with carmen, what a relief...  she's changed ALOT and i don't like it one bit.  she's hanging out with the wrong crowd, i've tried hanging in there for the longest time and making an attempt to change what i could, no luck.  it's really taken alot out of me, i wasn't the greatest boyfriend, but i was by no way a close to bad one either.  i need to concentrate on school and work right now.  i haven't worked since december 24th, after getting terminated from UPS because i was not able to show up for work due to having the stomache flu.  i've been clean for the past 2 weeks, and i've been applying at a few jobs.  i really want to get my UPS job back, except for the hours, i would really hope for the 5pm-10pm shift.  that would be awesome!  also, i'm about to stop by walgreens and seeing if i could get my job back there. each morning for the past couple weeks, i've been doing situps and push ups when i wake up, as well as before i go to sleep (usually).  i've been riding my bike (alot) and i'm hoping to get into shape, very good shape.  i can say that someone is my motivation .. but, well .. she is, but she doesn't know it and i know i have no chance.  i enjoy conversations with her and just hanging out, it's really cool.  she's awesome haha. anyway, i have to get ready to go to walgreens, grab a bit to eat, meet up with a friend and then party tonight! [woohoo]. 1 comment|post comment

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